You’re exhausted. It’s time for bed. You still have those 20 things you failed to get done today but whatever- they can wait until tomorrow. You need some sleep. Find your bed, flop down in it but instead of drifting off with the sheep, your brain is like, ‘Hey, did you remember to lock the back door? What did your boss mean when he made that comment to you at work today? Are we really going to start a war with Iran? I need to check my Twitter feed.
Or maybe you did fall asleep but you’re up again in an hour, two hours, or at 3am – wide awake, light years before your alarm. Night sweats, snoring, restlessness, never really feeling like you fell asleep at all? If any of that sounds familiar, congrats. Like countless other Americans, you officially suck at sleep. But don’t worry—you’re in good company. Nobody seems to sleep well anymore. It’s fashionable. And you’ve got receipts to prove it. Everything from your Oura ring to your Sleep Number bed confirms what you already know. You suck at sleep.
I’m Dr. Kristen Lindgren and welcome back to podcast, folks. Getting good sleep is important – really important. It’s one of the most fundamental pillars of our health. If your sleep is crap and you care about fixing it, this week’s episode is for you. Grab your fuzzy slippers, a cup of hot tea, and let’s get into it.
The Quick Science Bit
Sleep isn’t just rest time for your body. It’s crucial for everything – brain function, metabolism, immune health – all of it. Sleep is when your brain and body do their nightly maintenance. Everything gets run through the dishwasher and you’re nice and clean and ready to start the cycle of chaos again in the morning. So when your sleep sucks, your body takes revenge by making you irritable, forgetful, hungry for any and all carbohydrates you can get your hands on, and basically just hideous to be around.
Why Your Sleep Sucks
We know caffeine is bad, alcohol is bad, eating too late is bad, EMFs are bad – let’s quick run through the gang of mobsters holding your sleep hostage.
Blue Light and EMFs:
I’m as guilty of this as anyone, but the late-night doomscrolling on your phone or TV is no good. For many reasons. Blue light exposure tells your brain it’s daytime. Not sleepy time. This spikes your cortisol and blunts natural melatonin production. Some people are really sensitive to EMF exposure. EMFs are those tiny invisible, unnatural electromagnetic frequencies coming from your social media apps. If your sleep is crap, practice this ‘good hygiene’ situation you’ve no doubt already heard of. Pick a bedtime and stick with it. Your body wants a schedule. No surprises. Start winding down two hours before said bedtime. Get off your screens. They also make these fashion-forward blue light blocking glasses that kind of make you look like a dork, but whatever – if you need to be on a screen before bed, they help block that exposure. Lots of screens have a nighttime mode that lowers the blue light emission as well. Switch over to that. Turn off your LED lights. Turn on a nice lamp with an incandescent bulb. Take a relaxing bath. Throw some Epsom salt and lavender in it. Epsom salt contains magnesium that soaks in through your skin. These things are all calming to your brain and body. They help lower cortisol and stimulate serotonin production. All good stuff for sleep.
Make your bedroom a sleep sanctuary. You’re allowed to do two things in there. Have sex and go to sleep. That’s it. Keep it dark. Cover even those little light sources with tape or something. Your quantum consciousness knows that light is blinking on that little charger in the corner. Speaking of, don’t charge your phone by your head. That’s two bad things for sleep – light and EMFs. And the temptation to check your FaceBook feed. Put your phone in another room or power it down altogether. Shut it completely off. Some people even power off the wifi router for their entire house from bedtime A to waketime B. If your sleep is crap, you may need to pull out all the stops. I’m not saying you need to wrap your bedroom in a Faraday cage but…people do.
Sleep in the cold. Your body sleeps best if the temperature around it is less than 68 degrees or colder. If you’re a peri or postmenopausal woman, the thermostat may seem unaffected by your HVAC. Night sweats and hot sleepers are real phenomenon. They make these great ice blocks you can sleep on. Perfectly Snug, Chilipad, Eight Sleep – these are mattress toppers that you can basically set as low as your SubZero freezer if needed. These are a little pricey but what is your sanity worth.
Stress & Cortisol Mess:
Your brain at 2 AM: ‘Remember that thing you did in front of everyone at the work Christmas party in 1995?’ If cortisol is doing cartwheels in your body, it’s no wonder you’re awake. Cortisol fluctuates dramatically over a 24 hour period. Ever see a normal looking cortisol curve? Here. See what it’s doing first thing in the morning? Compared to where it’s supposed to be when you’re off with the sandman? When you’re overly stressed, this ski slope turns in a blow horn and that natural cortisol decline goes right out the window. Meditation and adrenal support help to keep cortisol levels low at night so you can sleep. CBD oil, l-theanine, valerian root, adaptogens like ashwaganda, holy basil, magnolia bark, reishi mushroom extract can all help you sleep less like crap.
Hormones & Aging:
Over 35? Congrats! This is basically a free ticket to crap for sleep. As we naturally age, all hormone levels hit the shit – with the exception of cortisol of course. That just keeps ramping up. Probably because we come to fully understand the reality of death and taxes. And a war with Iran. Testing your hormones and restoring optimal levels of progesterone, estrogen, testosterone, and growth hormone all help sleep to be less crappy and more restorative. Ask any 80-year-old how well they sleep. They don’t. Melatonin is a critical hormone for sleep made by the pineal gland – your mystical third eye right in the middle of your brain cells. Supplementing with low doses of melatonin can help restore healthy levels as can supporting the pineal gland itself. My favorite in this arena is the pineal gland peptide bioregulator. Remember the bioregulators? We can still get those. There were (and still are if you can find them…) injectable peptides that increase growth hormone and pineal gland function. I’ll try not to derail on that – the peptide bioregulators are different but excellent. You take them in a capsule, and they’re not currently in FDA jail.
Gut, Diet & Booze:
Sure, that glass of wine might put you to sleep… until 3 AM when your liver’s RSVP kicks in. Bottom line: alcohol’s a sleep trap. I think we all know this at this point, don’t we? It gives the illusion of being a sleepy time snack (except for that guy) – (scene from office xmas party) yeesh – but decreases your overall quality of sleep. And you feel like shit in the morning so go into cocktails knowing this. Cocktail for fun, not to make your sleep less crappy. The ‘cut out caffeine entirely’ recommendation I have beef with. Everyone is different. Some people are super sensitive to the effects of caffeine – if that person is you, perhaps you abstain. But caffeine has a half life – if you suck at sleep, limit your caffeine consumption to the first half of your day. The timing of your food matters too. So many Americans hit the road running, get home at 6, eat at 8 and then expect to fall asleep by 9. Your body sleeps best when your gut is empty. When your gut is full it’s working – working to digest food. Not relaxing. Eating too close to bed messes with your sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system. Try to keep your eating hours at least 2 hours away from bedtime. And on the topic of your gut, probiotics can be helpful here as well. There’s a strain of Bifidobacterium called 1714 that is excellent for sleep. It improves stress resilience, serotonin and GABA production, and reduces systemic inflammation. Megasporebiotic makes one called ZenBiome Sleep. Love it.
Sleep Disorders:
Maybe I should have put this first, but it’s going last. If you’ve listened this far and said to yourself – yep, I did all that and my sleep still sucks, then you need to make sure you don’t have an underlying sleep disorder. Sleep apnea is a real deal and can increase a persons’ risk of all sorts of bad things – hypertension, heart disease, stroke, DM2, mood disorders, dementia, hormone disruption – in addition to you falling asleep whilst driving your car into a tree in the middle of the day. Usually sleep apneas are associated with mouth breathing, snoring, being jolted awake many times in the night and well, the stoppage of breathing – typically noted by one’s partner. If that sounds like you, please look into a formal sleep study.
How to Actually Fix Your Sleep
OK I know that was a lot so let’s quick recap the takeaways:
Supplements:
- Magnesium glycinate or threonate (threonate crosses the BBB – this is my go to for sleep)
- L-theanine, GABA, valerian root, magnolia bark, reishi, apigenin – there’s a really great tea called ‘Beam Dream’ that contains basically all of these, tastes amazing for only 10 calories. I drink this an hour before going to bed. Chef’s kiss. Link in the show notes.
- Adaptogens like CBD, ashwagandha, holy basil
- Probiotics – specifically bifidobacterium longum 1714 in Zenbiome Sleep
Routine, Sleep Hygiene, & other Miscellaneous things I may or may not have mentioned above:
- Exercise (sorry I didn’t go into this above but yes, moving your body on a daily basis especially in the morning helps to promote better sleep) Take your dog for a 20min walk every morning. He will love you for it and your sleep will suck less because of it.
- Keep a sleep schedule – same time to bed, same time to rise everyday. And yes, that includes weekends. Sorry.
- Bedroom is a cold, dark, blue light/EMF-proof sanctuary – remember you’re allowed to have sex here. It’s not all bad.
- Meditation, sauna, Epsom salt baths
- Empty stomach for at least 2 hours before turning in
- Grounding mats, weighted blankets, and PEMF – like exercise, I didn’t really go into this earlier so I’m putting it here. Grounding mats can reduce inflammation and normalize cortisol levels by reconnecting you electrically with the earth—it’s like sleeping outdoors without the tents and… the bugs. Weighted blankets provide deep pressure stimulation, calming the nervous system, reducing anxiety, and promoting better sleep. PEMF (Pulsed Electromagnetic Field) therapy devices are like grounding mats on steroids. They deliver gentle electromagnetic pulses that harmonize cellular function, reduce stress, and enhance sleep quality. If your sleep still sucks despite trying the above tips, these high-tech tools could be the sleep superheroes you’ve been waiting for.
Hormones & Peptides:
- Oral progesterone
- Melatonin
- Pineal gland bioregulator
- Growth hormone augmenting peptides like Sermorelin, CJC-1295, Tesamorelin – if you can get your hands on such things
Closing Thoughts on Why Your Sleep Sucks and What You Can Do About It
Look, the truth is we’re living in a world that’s doing its absolute best to keep us awake, stressed out, and chronically underslept. Your sleep doesn’t suck because you’re broken—it sucks because life is noisy, chaotic, and full of complicating factors. Conventional medicine says Here, take this Ambien or trazodone and get out of my office. But that’s not fixing anything. With these functional medicine life hacks, you’ve got exactly what you need to flip the script. And get some sleep.
Tonight, pick one or two of these strategies—maybe it’s supplementing with magnesium threonate, sipping that soothing ‘Beam Dream’ tea, or finally giving your bedroom the EMF-free makeover it deserves. Iphone goes in the living room. Maybe it’s time to try the powerful gut-brain calming effects of bifidobacterium 1714, or see if a nightly dose of CBD or pineal gland bioregulators can reset your internal clock.
Remember, consistency is your friend here. Pick a bedtime, stick with it, and prioritize winding down your stressed-out mind. Treat sleep like the VIP event it truly is. Protect it, cherish it, and refuse to settle for the kind of sleep that just plain sucks.
